Somedays you sure don't see it coming. I had struggled through the morning, which is what usually happens. Britton wakes up, runs down the stairs, and wakes us all up before the alarm goes off. Man I'm tired. It has been over a year now that he hasn't slept past 5, usually it's more like 4:30am. Yes that includes Saturday and Sunday, autism doesn't care what day it is.
But today as I struggled, we did our usual routine. Once out the door, we head to do some Mom and Britton time. Sometimes we grocery shop, sometimes we walk at the park. We spend about an hour and half together before I head to the school. Today we stopped by Walgreens, because it is one of his favorite bathrooms. Yep, I said bathrooms. Britton is a bathroom connoisseur if there is such a thing. He prefers them clean, and secluded. That way he has it all to himself, and can use each stall, and each urinal separately with no interference. It makes him happy, and calm. Walgreens is always kind to us, and I always buy things. He picks out snacks, and he opens the drink refridge repeatedly begging for a coke. He rarely gets coke, and now that I know he can, he only gets a coke if he SAYS COKE! Which is rare, as a matter of fact until today he had only said it once.
We stood at the snack/refridgerator aisle and he went back and forth. This feels like and hour, but it takes about 15-20 minutes. I rarely notice if anyone is watching, only if we get in their way. Today there didn't seem to anyone in the store but us. It was super early. Britton blurted out "COKE!" I was so stunned that I stopped what I was doing and hugged him and tears ran down my face and of course he did get a coke. We took the coke, and all the things I buy, (e.g. light bulbs, dish soap, toilet bowl tablets) and went to check out.
The lady at the counter says to me, "You don't know how I look forward to when you come to the store." I was busy watching Britton organize the gum and the candy at the check out. He doesn't buy them, but he makes sure they are all in the right slots and neatly stacked. I looked up and said, "Oh goodness, why is that?" She says....
"When you come in here, I am always reminded of God's love for me." Of course I was taken aback. I said, "that's awesome, how do we do that?" She said, "It's because you are so patient and kind. Your love for your son radiates from you, to him. No matter how difficult he is, you patiently redirect him, and help him do better. So I know, that if there is a human on earth that can do that, that my heavenly Father will always do that for me. He always whispers to me about you."
Well now, if that isn't some kind of morning I don't know what is. It's only Wednesday and it's been a very hard week. Britton is struggling with some physical ailment of which I can't seem to put a finger on. (No surprise there) So he is stimming and wild, and agitated. My sons caregiver of nine years will be leaving us in less than 6 months. I have no idea how to replace her. The pressure, because I have to work more now...we have so many changes going on at work. With Obamacare crashing down, we have so many overwhelming changes that don't even seem possible to make. But you see, our clinic is not OUR clinic, it belongs to God. Trying hard to remember that, and rest in my faith. Then there's all the employee changes as my office manager, (and daughter) heads off to Law School. The grief I feel is overwhelming, because I know I will never see her. (I know this because my oldest went to Medical School, and it's been ten long years and she is just NOW heading home, next month. TEN YEARS!) Not one birthday, very few holidays, every vacation, she missed it all... Now the 2nd daughter will miss it all for years to come. sighhhh God keeps reminding me, THERE ARE NO COINCIDENCES! NONE, ZERO! There's so much more, but you'd stop reading if I told it all to you. :)
So here I am, standing in the Walgreens, crying like a baby. Britton is stimming and jumping, and laughing. The lady is saying, "I didn't mean to upset you. I wanted you to know you are a blessing."
It's hard to believe that the struggle, the difficulties, the impossibilities of my life, matter. You too?
Well I guess we never know what God has in mind. We never know, who God is pointing us out to.
My mind shifts to Job, and I'm certain that he never had a clue that God had bragged about him. Given the choice, none of us choose difficult situations. But at that moment, the blessing that I felt come over me was worth it, at least for a moment. I felt so loved, so bragged about... by God. I can't imagine it.
I drove Britton to school, and he reached over and wiped a tear from my face and kissed me. Then he grabbed his backpack and went hopping into school. My God is an awesome God and He knows when we can't go any further without at least a word of encouragement. This life, this horribly difficult life that we battle through, does matter. If to no one else, it matters to God. He watches, He brags about you and me. He is apparently, at moments even proud of His Warrior families. So pick up your sword again, and "run quickly to the battle line" my friend. God is watching, and he might just point you out to someone else.
