I heard a song on the radio...entitled "Dear Younger Me." I did listen to the song, but the whole time my mind was spinning. What do I wish I had known...when autism came for my son, for my family, for our future?The memories paraded through my mind but the words tasted bitter. I wanted to assure myself, hug that young mom who stared in terror as her child, her baby seized. I wish to hold her as she trembled, and help her believe that she AND her family will get through this. But...I can't do that. I can't lie to that untried, untouched, terrified young momma.
The monsters that keep her awake night after night are indeed the terror that hold her child captive.
I would tell myself I better be prepared to fight. That research, parents who are fighting this battle and more than anything... prayer. Prayer is the weapon that will help you survive.
There will be battles you can win. Pause, celebrate those victories. Those outside your tribe will rarely ever comprehend...you will stand broken and bruised infront of a brutalized child that you have dug up answers for with your bear hands.
It WILL NEVER feel like you have pushed enough, read enough, researched enough.
This war has not been won by many...but you must not let that slow you down.
There are a few moments of celebration. Most celebrations will be for your other children. Your beautiful daughters will bear much of the burden that autism placed on all of you. But try, you must TRY with all that's in you to celebrate his every victory...every step forward for your family. A smile you haven't seen in months, less stimming after a new supplement, extra days between seizures...even if you have no idea how.You must continue to push for the child trapped, the child that is alone, the child that the world has chosen to forget.
Even if those steps take your other children out of your life....make them seem too far to reach...survival may move them out of the path that autism rolls over.
The day will come...when truth will be heard around the world! You must hold on to this with both hands. It will come because there are countless families just like your own. Praying, pleading, searching for answers for a way.
Autism has now rattled the bones of the earth and you must refuse to be silenced.
