"Anxiety - a meteor shower of what-ifs!" Max Lucado

In the last month, I've read a plethora of books on anxiety. I suppose that's understandable...with what's happening in the world, even the "Tina and Louise" personalities are struggling with all the newsworthy "what ifs." 

COVID has added a level of anxiety none of us could've imagined...even for all the "normal" families out there. Will I have a job? What will I do when the unemployment runs out? Will I be able to keep my home, my car... it's a pretty serious list.

When you have a disabled child who depends on you, day in and day out... you get to add the impossible to your list of fears. This whole "stay home,""wear a mask," is draining the life out of each of us. Whether you are pro-mask, or anti-mask, either way, the stress it creates is causing hives, and heart palpitations in the folks I consider to be the anchors of calm. 

One day, I realized that I don't laugh like I used to. One of the side effects of COVID is apparently less laughter. I stopped watching the news BEFORE COVID. I was done with the negative influence it had on my life. I realized there was never ever any good news and it caused me anxiety. After all my eyelashes fell out...TWICE, I started cutting out all the outside angst. I mean, I have a choice, so I chose to be "less informed" and happier. Ya know what...I was completely fine not being "informed," and I slept better. (Now I wonder if "informed" really means indoctrinated?) 

In the first few months of COVID Crazy Town...Britton regressed into his own new level of despair. THEY PROMISED we would...flatten the curve and be done with this thing. But I had no idea there was an agenda. That after we did all the things and flattened the curve into nonexistence... they would create a whole new graph of things to worry about.

Each graph is a graph of the latest anxieties. This is the graph of how many are dying, and this is the graph of how many are sick, and this is the graph of how many we think might get sick and die. Yep, there's some anxiety for you. If you watch the news they will happily serve it up at dinner each night. You can eat that anxiety for supper and no amount of antacid is gonna ease your heartburn.

Now I'm not one for sticking my head in the sand...but since getting my son out of bed each day is a monumental chore because there is nowhere to go and nothing to do. He no longer cares to come downstairs, he really doesn't even care if he eats. Today my momma heart was up in my throat when he typed..."I am so heavy heavy. I worry about real boys, momma. I worry that real boys may never be happy again. I live in a prison of nowhere. "

What do I say to that? "A prison of nowhere?" Well, that just about sums up this whole Corona Circus. It is a prison of nowhere. The news...a prison of nowhere. The projections...a prison of nowhere. I looked through about 20 different news feeds and I could not find HOPE in any of them. 

We are lead by our masks...(some of us by our noses)...in a circle of futility. Every promise is broken, every statistic a mistake, everything we are being told is corrected, refigured, restructured...there does not appear to be a crumb of truth in any graph. 

The news is a whirlwind that will scoop your hopes and dash them against the latest graph of despair. BUT THEN this past week I stumbled upon Philippians 4:6-8. I'm going to write it here...only it's not going to be the King James or the Amplified or any of those. This is going to be the Teresa translation. It's what it means to me...at this moment. You feel free to look it up and translate it inside your own heart.

There is no need for you to worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Take all that you're worrying about and turn it into powerful prayers. God will listen to every concern you have. Before you can say, Covid19, He will give you peace, and you will know that everything is under His control. He's not surprised by anything that is happening in the world, and that in itself should bring you peace. Don't you feel better already? You can sleep at night, knowing He's got the whole world, (which includes YOU,) in His hands. It's so much better talking to God about it...than holding on to every worry till it's too heavy to even lift. You can build it into a mountain so big you can't even climb it. 

Fill up your mind with who God is. Why not think about what is genuine, instead of all that the media tries to fill your head with? Let's think of the good things, the best things that are part of our world. There is enough ugly to go around, it's exhausting There are beautiful, amazing, gracious, people in the world. Let's just focus on those and talk about those. The rest of it... let it go. You are safe in His hands, you always have been." 

In one of my Anxiety books, I read, "It's not God's will that you lead a life of perpetual anxiety." Well, AMEN to that. I'm so glad to hear it. I read it and then I understood that it means I have a choice. So, I am no longer reading books about Anxiety. I've switched to reading books about hope, and happiness. WHY NOT? 

I've been baking things, eating things that I love more than I ever have. (Yes my pants are tight.) But I just believe it's important that we choose happiness. We can't face every day with dread, and fear. What kind of people will we become if we do? I made my husband's favorite pie...just because he loves it. He eats it late at night. The house finally quiet, his work done for the day. He relaxes, and relishes each bite. I love watching him eat it. It probably takes him 30 minutes to enjoy that one piece. He cuts a piece with his fork and puts that one bite in his mouth and savors it. I want to live my life the way he eats that pie. This moment in time is all we have. Virus or no virus, this is our pie. 

I have gotten creative. I bought a tv tray and moved it into Britton's room. If he won't get up he can just DO THINGS in his bed. We read and find youtube videos to reinforce what we're studying. We listen to praise and worship from all over the world. (Jesus is the same everywhere...how cool is that?) 

He's begun laughing again. He no longer refuses to bathe or get dressed. It's a step in the right direction. We will come out on the other side of this thing, with our hopes and our hearts intact. We will eat this pie, and relish each day that is given to us. Looking for the good, no matter how many scary graphs are on the news. 

I just might make a graph...of how much hope we've found...it might even taste better than pie. 

God bless you all and always remember HE IS FOR YOU!

The Choosing is Book ONE of The Chronicles of The Shadowlands

If you have held off getting your copy... here's the link 

https://www.amazon.com/Choosing-Finding-Truth-Chronicles-Shadowlands-ebook/dp/B0833JQ2PZ/

FLYING BLIND

Ever played Blindman's bluff? As a kid, mom would tie the hand towel around our eyes, and off we would go. Hands stretched out, feeling our way around treacherous end tables and deadly sofas. All in search of the unseen. (By unseen I mean the stinker sisters that would sneak up and give a pinch and then run away...giggling.)Those are some good memories, I laughed hard thinking on them. 

 What prompted those memories was reading the story of a man who suddenly went blind. That's a scary story, but this man was in a small airplane, flying solo. He was feeling fine for the first 30 minutes, and then BAM, a stroke took his vision...What could you do, what would you do? The man was flying blind, how did he not panic? Just reading about it tied me in knots. He was able to feel for the radio, and call out "MAYDAY! MAYDAY!" That's the perfect thing to do when flying blind...MAYDAY! 

 I know that feeling! How many times have I been awakened to the nerve-shattering scream of yet another seizure? I've lost count. I empathize with the blind pilot. Most of us can...Stuck inside for months, wondering how we will make a living. Will we be able to pay our mortgage? What if we lose our car? Do we have enough food, and toilet paper. (comic relief?) 

 Lots of us are "flying blind" in this country. The months and months of increased seizures, intense quarantines, and Britton's almost total refusal to leave his bedroom has been enough to make us wish someone would pull off our blindfold so we could see our way clear to a different life. Blindfold or not, my hands are always stretched out reaching for answers... but there has been very little light for me to see by. Do I increase his CBD, do I change it? Do I change anti-seizure meds? What will help him eat? Does anyone have the answers? Can anyone else see...because I sure can't? I've been asking these same questions for most of 29 years. The blind following the blind. Sometimes as luck would have it, I figure something out. (blind luck?) The panic eases and we see a tiny thread of light. But for us...and lots of families like us, the light is short-lived. All I know to do is keep calling out "MAYDAY" and praying the right ears to hear me. 

 The Pharisees taught that only the true Messiah could heal the blind. Jesus healed several blind men...He was their only hope...I can genuinely relate to that. There is so much we don't know in this life. We sure don't know what the future holds...2020 has sucker-punched more families than the majority of years before it. We feel stumped, almost paralyzed by all that we see happening around us. Our children feel that same stress, and today Britton typed his frustrations, throwing a sucker punch of his own. (Based off the fact that I no longer take him to the places, he likes to go to.) He accused me of giving up," being done trying." But after he told me how he really feels, he had a very valid point. 

He said, "The world is blind to my heart, the world has lost its heart, lost its soul." 

 His words made me wonder...What would it be like if you turned on the news and the announcer said, "It's been discovered that the biggest side effect of Covid 19 is that all those affected have lost their heart, lost their soul towards their fellow man." That might be one time they actually told the truth.  Britton asked, "What does the world see when it sees me?" It's not the first time Britton has asked me this question. My answer is always the same. No matter how the world SEES US, GOD SEES US FOR WHO WE WERE CREATED TO BE. His promises do not change based on whether we feel like we've got life by the tail, or whether it's got us by the throat. 

 So often in these blind moments, we forget that God is who HE says HE is. We think He's taken a vacation, or has finally decided to give us what we really deserve. In my blind moments, when my son is seizing and I find myself in the dark, clinging to the cliff of despair by my slippering fingertips... I whisper "even when I don't see it you're working!" It helps me cling to that edge, eyes squeezed tight, (yes I might be trembling.) I don't need to see as long as He's working. God is ever watchful...able to see forward and backward. He can see the "deadly sofas" and the "treacherous end tables" that I have no way of seeing...because I am blind to the future. 

 We may find ourselves flying blind, BUT, Jesus has BETTER THAN 2020 VISION! (pun intended.) Oh... and that pilot. There was a Flight Commander who just completed his training nearby. He flew his plane up next to the blind man's aircraft and patiently talked him into a position to land. Seven times he tried to land, and seven times he bounced up and had to try again. All of that, while trusting the voice of someone he couldn't see. On his eighth try, he made a near-perfect landing. Flying Blind. 

 I cried hard when I read that. It gave me confidence that even when I can't see in the despair of all that life can bury us under...the eyes of my creator can see in the dark. So I reach through the veil and hold onto the hand that gives sight to the blind. 

 Isaiah 42:16 I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them. 

 

PS: Last week I sent you a free link to my novel THE CHOOSING. 399 of you downloaded the free ebook. WOW, that meant the world to me. THANK YOU for making that Promotion so successful. I am humbled by your confidence. The book went up to #20 in Christian Fiction (out of thousands and thousands.) 

The Reviews are coming in already and I wanted to share two of them with you. 

 5.0 out of 5 stars Deep, Moving, Eye-opening, and Relevant for our culture Reviewed in the United States on June 25, 2020 I am changed by reading this. My perspective of the other side of eternity has been enriched, and my understanding deepened toward those suffering from any number of conditions which render them mute, wordless, or trapped in a body that just won't bloody obey them. 

5.0 out of 5 stars How words can flow into a picture. Reviewed in the United States on June 25, 2020 Loved this book! The author takes you on a journey with her words. Paints pictures in your mind. Great Read! So here's a link for when you're ready to get your copy.

 https://www.amazon.com/Choosing-Finding-Truth-Chronicles-Shadowlands-ebook/dp/B0833JQ2PZ/ref=cm_cr_arp_d_product_top?ie=UTF8

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