What Story Are You Telling?

"I experienced the most amazing gift this past Christmas week. Britton sat at his desk and worked on answering questions. (He has given up most of his academic work totally during Covid-19) But on this day of miracles... In the middle of the most mundane Monday morning...he sat down at his desk and pulled out his very first worksheets. He began with the basic questions. "If you go camping, where would you sleep? tent. If a child has a replica of a baby, what's it called?" doll. Silly questions to most of us, but they seem to help him keep his world straight. But then...right in the middle of all the mundane...He spontaneously typed two deep thoughts without being prompted.  He just wanted, or maybe he just needed to tell someone how he was feeling. We've all been there. That desire so strong to express our feelings, we might even spill it to a stranger we've just met. For him, the gift of clear thinking, and the ability to control his own body caused him to rejoice in this Season of Love and Compassion. Television screens, movie screens, and worst of all... his IPad screen. He has developed photosensitive epilepsy. So any amount of light flashing in his eyes can trigger a seizure. He is well aware and avoids them like the plague. He is now typing only on my cell phone. I don't know if the size of the screen matters, but on this day he was willing to risk it. In the list of words he was reciting he began typing his feelings.  "Say people pray for me and I feel prayers pulling and pulling on my mind. Playing God's promises."  How grateful I am that his mind plays God's promises. I recite them often. I write them on index cards and tape them on his walls. "That's how we win these dark battles, Britton." (I can be so preachy.) Nodding my head, eyes wide in grateful wonder. "God's word is the weapon that brings us the hope and peace we need." I moved right on, he really hates it when I get sappy. I have to be careful...my own emotions can affect him, and not always in a good way. He's like an emotional savant. He senses the feelings, emotions, and fears of everyone around him. His life has taught him that it is survival to know how others feel. I swallowed, took a breath, and moved on. But inside I was singing and praising. Thanking God for the brief glimpses into who he is. The unbelievable gift of his thoughts. I spend a lot of December wondering how Britton will manage Christmas. There's so much about the whole Holiday season that doesn't vibe well when you're an emotional seismograph. Other people's frustrations, fears, anger...can cause an earthquake that hits a ten on the Richter scale. As much as family tries to love him, and us...I do attempt to create a situation that he can feel peace in. It's pretty futile, but that doesn't stop me.  All families walk various tightropes during the holidays. Some struggle with critical in-laws, some with missing a lost loved one, and some with... trying to please people who can't be pleased. I knew exactly what Britton was trying to explain to me. For him, the OCD that drives him to futility had eased."Zero. I have Zero Needs to be crazy...mom be brave." I'm pretty sure It is how he expressed to me that he didn't feel all the brutal compulsions of Pandas. (Pediatric Autoimmune Neuropsychiatric Disorder) The unquenchable need to flap, hum, touch, or spin.  ​ His admonitions that I be brave, trouble me sometimes. He must know fear comes for the whole family when he seizes. When his mind becomes jumbled with inflammation and misfires... when he's angry. Fear is a brash, bully. It tries to overpower and be the loudest voice in our minds. It will elbow peace right out of our hearts and leave us consumed with its darkness. I'm sure you know this...but Jesus tells us to "fear not" about 365 times. So it's a fair assumption that we all must need reminding. Jesus showed us how to live a life without fear...a life of courage. In today's language, Jesus might very well say it like this, "Be Brave! Fear is a liar!" Britton is my blaring example of courage day in and day out. I watch him face his difficult life...usually with a smile on his face. About every 4-7 days I notice his countenance change into a serious young man. He knows a seizure is coming...I don't know for sure how he knows. Perhaps it's the common warnings...visual disturbances...or a strange taste in his mouth? I don't really have all the answers. But he will struggle through till the connections in his brain misfire. He will cry out, awake or asleep...his eyes roll back, his face turns blue...and he will spend way too much time struggling to breathe.  When it all finally ends...his bloodshot eyes will blink open and he will look for me. Reach for my hand and give it a squeeze...reassuring ME that all will be well. Somewhere between eight and twelve hours of sleep will pass as his body attempts to recover...then, he will drag himself out of the bed and try, try again. I am humbled by how much suffering and despair he lives through. Still, he tries to make the best of it all...refusing to even consider giving up. When he does decide to type...he always points me back to the God of all hope and reminds me His promises are guaranteed...never a gamble. Fear never sang a song...never delivered us from evil. Fear never paid our past due bills or saved our crumbling marriages. No, Faith does that...courage does that.  So for 2021...my plan is to say to myself... "you have zero need to fear..." and to remember that: "If Fear is born..out of a story we tell ourselves. Maybe, it's time we tell ourselves a different story."  *quote paraphrased into my own words. Click HERE to go to Amazon

 

"Courage is Fear, that has said its prayers."  Life is a dangerous endeavor. Saddle that same life with autism, vaccine injury, and seizures...the danger amplifies. Saddle it with tragedies, deaths, sickness... I find that no matter who you meet if you talk to them long enough...they have walked through fire once or even twice. Most of us pass our days in the shadows of victories and defeats. Life is full of stark realities. This past year we've sat in stunned silence as those with the power to annihilate humanity...happily contemplate the possibility with itchy fingers. Discussions of global attacks, chemical warfare, and viruses that have the capability of cleaning the planet of "undesirables..." These are real conversations spurred from the days' news, not the movie we all saw on Netflix.  We struggle to figure out who is at fault, who is in charge, and, where it all went wrong? The cumulative question... "How did we get here?"  Is it okay if I confess to lying awake at night worrying that the wrong person is about to push the red button...and asking myself, "How can things get any worse?" Britton had seizures through most of the night last night. Sadly it's become something HE, and our whole family endures several times a week. It knocks the air right out of my faith, and I hover over him in helicopter momma style, praying and crying and begging God to do something!  This morning when Britton was finally awake, he wanted to read. He has probably a hundred books by various Christian authors and we read lots of them again and again. But the last few months we've been reading straight from the source. The words of God himself.  I flipped to the New Testament...which is not where I marked our place. Can't say why I did it. I began reading in Matthew, Chapter 24, 4-14. It's a sobering, expose' of what Jesus told his disciples was going to happen in the world. I encourage you to take five minutes and read it for yourself. Bottomline, or maybe my summary is that Jesus said, "Things are going to get bad...REAL BAD, before they get better. But then he added, "See to it that you are not alarmed."  I admit it, I smirked when I read it. In today's lingo, He basically said, "Don't freak out and don't be surprised!" The funny thing about it is...those may be the exact words, I say to myself...every single time Britton seizes. "Don't freak out! Why are you so surprised?"  My heart stung a little when I thought of Jesus warning his disciples. He knew what He Himself would suffer, but He also knew what they would suffer for their faith. Jesus warned us..."Because of the increase of wickedness, the love of MOST will grow cold."  He didn't say "some of you will grow cold...or a few of you, he said, "MOST!" It's sobering..."MOST!" I can't help it, I'm gonna say it to you one more time. "The love of MOST will grow cold!" WOW!  Britton jumped up and went to the bathroom, came back, opened the drawer with the thermometer, and asked me to take his temperature. It's not something he's done very often, so I asked him several times and he took the little gun-shaped thermometer and put it on his head.  I took his temperature, and he giggled and squealed and jumped back in his bed. It really did take me all that time to put it together.  I picked up the bible and reread the words..."the love of MOST will grow cold." I swallowed a huge lump that grew large in my throat and looked at Britton. "I get it, son, I finally get it." I smiled a half-smile and promised myself that I would not be one of the "MOST."  I asked myself SOME raw questions. I refused to allow any excuses... "Is your love for the Lord as hot in 2020 as it was in 2019?"  After all that 2020 has thrown at you, what's the temperature of your heart? I cried and asked God to forgive me if I'd let my love grow cold. I know He gets it. I know He knows I'm human and that each and every seizure is like an ice bath to my soul. But I also know He is a consuming fire. In His presence...there is no lukewarm heart.  One of my favorite Scriptures is Psalm 37:7  "Be still in the presence of the Lord, and wait patiently for Him to act. Don't worry about evil people who prosper or fret about their wicked schemes."  The reason we aren't supposed to be terrified by wicked schemes...is not because they aren't scary. It is because every trial and every trouble has a place in God's plan. My uneducated interpretation of Psalm 37:7 says... Be still and wait...wait patiently. Stop wringing your hands, and losing sleep. THE LORD WILL ACT! Maybe not as soon as you wish for, or the way you want Him to...but HE WILL ACT! Don't worry about evil people, their wicked shenanigans are their own business." LOL! that's my uneducated translation! It sure gives me peace.  Above all the chaos...reigns a divine plan. When the world appears out of control, it isn't. When evil appears to be in charge...it isn't. When you feel hopeless, you aren't. Take a lesson from Britton...Take your temperature! This is one time you might wish for a fever...or perhaps the right word would be fervor.  No matter what your temperature today..."see to it, that you are not alarmed!" Matt 24:6.  "Everything will work out in the end...if it's not working out, it's not the end." ​ P.S. **I need to solicit your help with Book 2, No Choice. I launched the book on Black Friday. But I knew...I really did. Facebook has ban the majority of everything I post. I post too much Vaccine information. That's where all the banning began. I noticed that even Ads I paid for on book one, The Choosing, began to be blocked. The COVID VACCINE has become a huge political point, Facebook won't allow anything negative to be written about vaccines, truth, or not. So unless I post about family...you can't see my posts-unless you place me in your top 10 friends. You can see them if you go directly to my page...or The Shadowlands. OH...I forgot, I renamed the Book's page, FROM, The Choosing, to The Shadowlands. Because, well...it's about THREE BOOKS NOW!  Even though FACEBOOK blocked 90% of the ads...the book still climbed to #20 on the New Releases, Bestsellers List. The Book still sold over 1000 books since its release! THAT WAS GOD!  If you're on FACEBOOK, I'm asking you a favor. PLEASE SHARE MY ADS for my books.  If 80% of books are truly sold by word of mouth...then an army of readers could override their censorship. If you feel good about it, I'd appreciate your support. Here is one of my latest Ads. You can find  all my ads on my personal page and also on Facebook @TheShadowlands. You can share from either or both places. Here's the link to the book if you would like it.  Button BE BLESSED...AND DON'T FORGET...TAKE YOUR TEMPERATURE! ​ ​