ACCEPTING THE THINGS I CANNOT CHANGE
Who would’ve believed that our entire nation could be sent on a rollercoaster ride of uncertainty…all of us, all at once?
A rude, global awakening...and a slap in the face of our capitalistic security.
Most of us are still sitting in our homes, with a drop of PTSD, emotions of “shock and awe.” Wondering when the next shoe will drop or when someone will shake us and we will learn this was only a cruel joke?
I’ve managed my stress by eating foods I have avoided most of my life and then lying awake for hours thinking of every worst-case scenario.
Which is not a good combination when you’ve spent 29 years struggling with all the worse case scenarios that severe autism might bring into your life.
The best news is…living the autism life has also taught me how to set those things down and reach for the hands of the one who never fails me.
Britton and I were working. Reading and he was answering questions, he cracks me up with his answers. “Has the US ever had a woman president?” He was totally stumped by the question. (These are yes and no questions, and he just types N, or Y for answers. Sometimes he types the whole word, but it’s independent typing that we are working on.)He put his hand over the questions and picked up my hand which tells me he wants to say something. So he typed…
“Give it up momma. This is God’s to do. Trying to do his stuff won’t save me. you. You are afraid not brave. You . we are easy brave. . yes. Like birds free, like flowers. Jesus he is the bravest. He won’t leave. Don’t eat the fear, the fear tastes bad. Fear is easy, brave is us.”
Sometimes in these moments…it feels almost as if we’ve stepped out of time. Like only he and I exist. The rest of the world falls away and I am amazed that I sit with someone who hears God on a level that I only dream of.
He, felt my emotions, I wasn’t fooling him at all. My mind was far away, worrying about what will come and how we will manage it, I wasn’t present. One thing, that severe autism has gifted my son…he seems to discern with uncanny accuracy how others feel. A master at reading body language, and feelings. I wonder if it may be a gift most of those with autism have?
Earlier we were reading the sermon on the mount. Now if it’s been a while since you’ve read through the book of Matthew let me remind you that Jesus has a lot to say about all we worry about
“Look at the birds, free and unfettered, not tied down to a job description, careless in the care of God. And you count far more than birds. Matt 6:26
“Instead of looking at the fashions, walk out into the fields and look at the wildflowers. They never primp or shop, but have you ever seen color and design quite like it?” Matt 6:29 The Message
so if we look up we are reminded by the freedom, and joy a flock of sparrows as they dance on the wind currents. If we look down, we are reminded again by a field of wildflowers in living color, taking our breath...flowers that only God himself waters. A living illustration of the uselessness of worry.
He finishes with…
“If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers—most of which are never even seen—don’t you think he’ll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I’m trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God’s giving. People who don’t know God and the way he works fuss over these things…
Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.”Matt 6:32-34
He knows us, better than we know ourselves. It encouraged me so very much. I wanted to share it with you, encourage you. “You are worth far more than these…” He does have the whole world in His hands. He is going to use this hard situation for good. I don’t know when, and I don’t know-how…but if I begin to “eat fear” again, I’ll remember to look up, and then look down. I’ll remember that worry can fracture my heart, my mind. That it distracts me from trusting and believing.
You may find this all a little religious for your liking…I hope not. I am not a religious person at all. I find that by surrendering my need to control…the illusion that I even can control, I find myself happier, and freer.
Jesus was not a religious man. He came to make us more alive, the religious found him a rebel.
We get to choose…to focus to stare at the hard things, the scary things that life always brings our way…or we can choose to look up…
to marvel at the birds, soaring and diving, the wind rippling their feathers, their tummies full of bugs and worms.
We can gaze across a field of lavender flowers. Immerse ourselves in the fragrance God added, just because he knew we would love it.
We can stare amazed at the bluebonnets that show up each spring, coloring an entire field blue. Imitating the ocean waves, like God’s breath when the wind blows them in motion.
Yes, it is our choice…so it is my goal to look up…and watch the birds soar and dip…and then to look down…at the intricacy of the flowers drawn by the greatest artist. Amazed at God’s attention to detail. Knowing that humans are the culmination of God’s creation. He made us, only us in his image. We are his workmanship…WE are his favorites.
Maybe we should pause…and lookup.
The Choosing...AVAILABLE ON KINDLE OR PAPERBACK
