Is God ever caught off guard?
It's been a difficult summer. That's such an understatement, surely there must be a better word. Unbearable, unbeievable, somedays I'd go with unfair. It has felt impossible. I have written a great many blogs this summer, none of them fit for anyones eyes but the Lord's. He is the only one I could trust to read them, and understand.
We live in the land between...
The land between all the prayers we send to our God, and the place of answers. Right in the middle, waiting. How often I have talked of sitting in God's waiting room.
"Here we are you and I, sitting in God's waiting room. He didn't answer our request, with a Yes, a No or Maybe. He just said, wait here, and I'll wait with you."
Britton has been so very ill, so very violent, so aggressive, so very very sad. He is struggling like never before, and that is saying something. This boy, this young man, this beautiful boy child that we are raising, has been through so much more than anyone should ever walk through... he is very much a soldier suffering from PTSD, yet he is still in the battle, everyday for his life. So, I guess I should understand, this is war.
Ephesians 6:12
For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.
Recently I met a soldier, well really I met his dog first. His dog "Keyed in on me." At least that's what he told me. He had been in Afghanistan, and had ended up in a coma for three months. His dog, was a PTSD dog. His dog is trained to recognize soldiers in distress. I stepped up beside him and this dog, pointed and begin to whine. He immediately begin to lick my hand and attempt to comfort me. The man asked if I had been a soldier. I was really speechless at first, but then I said, "well I'm a warrior mom, that does make me a soldier." I kept thinking about how we are all soldiers, some of us just in different battles. How interesting that a dog knows, and can be trained to sense distress. I so wish Britton had been there. How would that dog respond to him? That dog, (his name is Sargeant) he did comfort me. Thank you Sargeant! I'll take the cold nose and dog kisses, any day.
This July we went on a vacation. One we save for every year, takes 12 months to get the money, and this year it was going to be way more back packing our food, and carefully planning where we spent every dollar. We go every year because Britton loves it. He even says some words while we are there. It's worth it just to hear anything he is thinking. We spent not even 24 hours on vacation and realized he was very ill. We spent several hours in the Emergency Room parking lot, just waiting, so unsure of what to do. He had some type of extremely strange seizures, of hallucinations, several days in a row. They would come and go, there didn't seem to be any pattern. He didn't eat for 8 days straight. He had a three hour complete meltdown one night. The thing of serious nightmares. We were shaken, scared half to death and black and blue. Britton was too. When it was over, and he came to hinself, he cried and cried, just not understanding what had happened to him. We were so clueless and afraid. So many times in his life, no one knows what's wrong. This was just one more of all the very strange set of symptoms we were experiencing. I really have no idea if he even knows he got to go. We realized after we had a second to think... that besides being in a severe crohn's flare, he was again suffering from the autoimmune encephalitis that he battles so often. This was his worst bout and he was in a complete brain fog. This picture was the only day he seemed truly coherent. I pray he remembers we took him to his favorite place, We debated back and forth if we should even try, and yet these pictures were the only signs of any real understanding we had while we were there.
We got home, because God is just so merciful. God's people responded to our pleas for prayers and what a blessing it was. Fourteen hours on a plane, and somehow we got him home without serious incident. That my friend was a miracle. We were home less than two hours, and unpacking. We had been awake for almost three days, because he just doesn't sleep when these things occur. He had finally eaten a meal, and ran and jumped in the pool. We were so relieved that he seemed better. In a very short time, we found him face down in the pool floating, face blue, not breathing. We learned later he had a seizure. Randy pulled him out and performed rescue breathing, and I dialed 911. He swims all the time. He has not had a grand mal seizure since February, which was caused from dehydration. He did not have a seizure disorder that we needed to worry he would drown! He swims EVERYDAY!! To say we were shaken sounds so small. I have lost count of all the times I've seen my son, blue and not breathing. But trust me, it never loses the horror factor!
God was NOT caught off guard.
Written on my wall is the phrase, "When you can't see God's hand, trust His heart." It seems wise to hold on to the unchanging character of God. At times like this, I have to remind myself that God is still sovereign, He still knows my name, that angels still answer His call, and that Jesus still saves souls.
"God is NOT sometimes sovereign. He is not occasionally victorious. He does not occupy the throne one day and vacate it the next." God knows, and He has a plan, and He will work it for our good. I can trust Him for that. I do trust Him for that.
A few days ago, when Randy and I were praying together about some VERY serious problems, that affected Britton's ability to attend school. I had a vision of sorts. I don't know how to say it any other way. I saw, a picture of "the dome." I KNOW there is no physical dome that can be seen, but I believe that is what I saw. The dome I speak of is the one over Tel Aviv, Israel. I had recently read an article about how they have a large radius over the city that protects against incoming missiles, they call it the iron dome. It is some type of anti missle protection that takes rockets out in mid air. If it were to miss one, an alarm goes off, and the people run for shelters. Recently, they did miss one, and many waited to die. But somehow, the rocket was shot down anyway. NO ONE has an explanation. Their enemies wrote in their paper, "Their God shoots down our rockets!" What an awesome God we have.
A graphic depicting how Israel’s Iron Dome anti-missile system protects urban areas.
Rafael Advanced Defense Systems/Screen grabBack to the "vision." What I saw is a dome around Randy and I. The Lord kept telling me, you see, you are safe in the dome. You never need to worry, I am your protector, I am the dome. Wow, just wow. As difficult as this summer has been. We have struggled with severe illness, with insurance companies, with misunderstandings, with so much fear. All that time, we were under the dome. All the struggle, all the "fiery darts" of the devil, just hit the dome.
God's purpose from all eternity is to prepare a family to indwell the kingdom of God. "I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
That says straight out that, God is PLOTTING for our good. In all the setbacks, the slip ups, even in all our mistakes, GOD is ordaining the best for our future. Every event of our days is designed to draw us toward Him and our destiny.
Every single thing... No exceptions.
When I cannot understand my Father’s leading, And it seems to be but hard and cruel fate, Still I hear that gentle whisper ever pleading, God is working, God is faithful—Only wait.
–A.B. Simpson
I keep thinking about that dog. About how he stayed by that soldiers side, through three months in a coma. Through numerous surgeries, through all his rehabilitation. God had a plan for that soldier, for that dog. As the years roll by, I often talk with Britton about God's plan for him. I assure him that his life matters to God. That there is indeed a master plan. I don't know what he understands, but he listens patiently as I tearfully encourage him when he seems unable to endure his limitations any longer.
As each day passes, as the clock ticks, God is planning, and plotting... "The Lord shall not turn back until He has executed and accomplished the thoughts and intents of His mind." (Jer. 30:24)
Our God is watching, and we will be safe in His dome.
