Are We ALL ANTI-VAXXERS NOW?

The air sizzles with the tension...how long will the seizure last, will he breathe soon, 

will his joints be in place? How many times can the human body endure so much abuse...life hangs suspended and we forget to breathe...today it's the seizures, tomorrow it may be a meltdown that would rival an entanglement with an angry grizzly. This is Britton's life...and the life of many a desperate young man (or woman) who is in so much pain they just want someone, anyone to make it stop...they know that all the promises of how hard you have tried to help are empty...because nothing has ever helped enough... 

In so many homes...homes that throb with the pain of vaccine injury...homes bulging with grief while clinging to hope as the years of futility slide through their fingers. Your next-door neighbor, your dear friend, your family. This is the world they don't share with you. This is the world they refuse to open to others...because looking at this life, is a world where outsiders have many opinions, and often place judgments on families already bearing burdens too heavy to lift. 

I struggled writing this...I don't know how it will be received, I don't know if you will think I've finally snapped, or be willing to consider...those of you that live this life are far more likely to think of the big picture...we've had years to weigh the "why's" of what has happened to our child.

There are thousands of us now...and those of us that have pushed from the frontlines for 25+ years are still pushing. We have fought and struggled and researched late into countless nights...believing that an answer would/could/MUST be found. We have overburdened ourselves our spouses, our other children...We have fought THIS INVISIBLE ENEMY so long with almost zero assistance from the very government who caused it...and ended up being labeled ignorant, and unlearned when we can talk circles around most...when it comes to immune compromise. 

Watching the world come together...to fight ONE VIRUS is a mix of a Hollywood Horror film and the moment we had all hoped for. That somehow the government would stand up for us...for those who lost everything when the promises of "safe and effective" broke us. The truth...of "unavoidably UNSAFE" is how all vaccines are labeled, but no one wants to talk about that. Those outside our tribe don't even KNOW that the vaccine they are submitting to is UNAVOIDABLY UNSAFE! Watching the world crying desperately to be saved from the possibility of a virus, that MIGHT make them sick is unsettling..unfair...and HARD on all of us emotionally. Listening to people pray for a vaccine...that may be the hardest prayer I've ever struggled to hear. I know it's safe to ask God for anything...but I suppose it comes down to whether you believe that SAFE and VACCINE can be used together? 

The seizures this week have been brutal and unrelenting...while others cower in their homes, worrying about the UNSEEN that could be lurking out in their streets...the same government that is making those promises... made those same promises to thousands of families like mine. The vaccine that stole my son's life...that still ravages his body... I was told the science was settled. The lie still burns. 

It's April...Autism Awareness Month. Every year I struggle with the impossibility of what AUTISM AWARENESS would really look like. Maybe I become cynical, tainted, angry. I try hard not to...but this year is quite the challenge. When news reporters whine about the horrors...(and I'm sure it is terrible!) But I also know there are thousands of us living a life that most Americans would recoil from.

Somehow the powers that be are making SURE that you are scared enough, desperate enough... that when they roll out that vaccine that hasn't been through the long years it supposedly takes to be sure it might really help...you'll rush to get in line thinking anything is better than the virus. I'd like to ask you to pause... to think it through. Please pray first! I HAVE TO REMIND YOU that those creating the FEAR and the terror are also those, offering you a "cure." Interesting how that works. 

I might be a tad more cynical about this subject than I ought to be. I admit it. But before you judge too harshly remember that I live with a handsome, 29-year-old young man who would give ANYTHING, and I mean ANYTHING to live free. His future was changed...forever. His body damaged... His hopes are so small and yet, they have always been unreachable.

He was so upset he actually held my purse and yelled, "GO!" HE IS NONVERBAL!! He's so desperate for life to return back to HIS NORMAL. It's not like it's a great life. Movies once a week...on good weeks. Grocery shopping, when he feels well enough to eat. An occasional visit to one of his sister's houses. On fantastic weeks a bike ride, and maybe even a visit to The Woodlands for time with dad in a kayak. (they closed that lake this week...how do you close a lake?) I did explain it to him. I did show him that it wasn't only him, that it was everyone locked in their homes. We went to the movie theater and I let him try to open the door. There were tears...his and mine. But when he picked up his IPAD and typed...His words broke me, tore me inside out. "I am smart, I can go momma!" I cried it wasn't a choice. His life is hard enough, how cruel that he would think that it has to do with his brokenness. Sighhhhh Praying the lockdown ends...SOON for everyone. 

But those things...cannot bee till the infamous virus is corned somewhere and a weapon found to neutralize it. I know it will happen eventually because the world cares about it, is hunting it, tracking it's every move, reporting its every victim. The world cares about those victims. They haven't been accused of bringing it on themselves...not yet. It's hard for me not to add..."BUT WAIT....hold the government's beer." 

I'm always amazed when I get labeled an "anti-vaxxer" that the name-caller has forgotten than I am in this situation BECAUSE I vaccinated. Because I am a rule keeper, because I believed what I was told. True, I no longer vaccinate, and yet...I'm not sure that's a fair label when the experience that has driven me to become what so many in the world deem as radical. This past week, a woman crossed the street when I was walking my dog...she placed a hand over her masked face and turned her head. Well now there is a symbol of the divide that has occurred-- "every other human might carry the virus...! It is the very opposite of loving your neighbor as yourself. 

"Anti-vaxxers have felt this many times over the years when the propaganda that people who aren't vaccinated could SOMEHOW spread a virus they do not have to those who are vaccinated. (Makes zero sense, but when has that ever stopped the propaganda?) 

I BEGAN TO WONDER...IS THE WHOLE WORLD BEING TREATED LIKE AN ANTI-VAXXER? 

Because "anti-vaxxers" have been shunned, refused into many schools, shut out of most daycares...If we refuse the vaccine that is to come...will we be allowed to go into movies, grocery stores...schools? We've been taught in Sunday School that days like this would come. Bill Gates is demanding we all "show our papers" or better yet, we all get chipped with PROOF we've been vaccinated. (Wouldn't it be convenient if we could put the chip in the vaccine?" Call me crazy?

We've all heard the scripture..." and that no man might buy or sell, save he that had the mark, or the name of the beast, or the number of his name." Rev: 13:17

Interesting...I'm not making any prophecies here, I'm just praying our eyes are open, WE ARE PAYING ATTENTION. 

 The world is hiding in terror...and yet the real enemy is waiting to change life on our planet forever. It's important that we SEE with more than just our physical eyes. That we SEE the words of the bible unfolding before us.

I want to leave you with these scriptures. I write them on index cards...I read them daily because they encourage me. 

Matthew 6:34 Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

Isaiah 35:4 Say to those with fearful hearts, “Be strong, do not fear; your God will come, he will come with vengeance; with divine retribution, he will come to save you.”

Matthew 10:28 Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell.

Psalm 9:9-10 The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble.

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