For Now--Let's Smile Like the Moon

 

We've had seven good days in a row. Which we feel we seriously earned...we had so many bad ones I lost count. I was about to wallow in my misery when we finally turned a corner, and the God of all mercies lifted the darkness. 
Britton swam up slowly from all that weighed him down beneath the waves of behaviors and smiled bigger than the moon. He laughed and then he giggled...he ran and jumped in his bed. He was free of whatever held him...at least for now. 

It's an insurmountable difficulty... how do we remove the invisible chains that hold him, and release him from the darkness of pain and despair? Lots of biomedical interventions for sure...and more prayers than I expect most folks pray in a month! (Okay, I have no clue how much you pray, but I confess to only praying this much when I'm desperate for help.)
One thing for sure...This battle is real, and life certainly has seasons where we need to focus and pray for our lives! 
We've had a lot of marathon reading sessions lately. Eight hours and he still wants to read. I mean, I love to read but I've got to get myself a more comfortable chair! I keep blaming Britton for how wide my backside has become, it's from all the sitting. Only the good Lord knows how hard it is for me to be still. First He asks me to write books...sitting for hours. Now Mr. Britton has me perched beside him, so he can run his fingers under each word as I read it. (I might be complaining?)
When life swings up and stays there for longer than a few hours...I begin to struggle with believing it will last. Messing up the good days with worries that the bad days will be back. It's kind of like being haunted by the ghosts of the bad days. So many disappontments can make it hard to hope the good days won't slip through my fingers. 
I'm always planning my life as if I was in charge, laying it out like a lego structure that fits so nicely. I do know how it should fit. But usually something happens that I don't see coming, and maybe I planned for it to become one kind of structure, and suddenly it will have to be made into something else. Something I didn't plan for... So I look for new pieces, search for a different color...no pattern, no map...I wonder..."has anyone gone this way before me?" 
Maybe that's just me, or maybe it's happened in your life as well? In the frustation, I lift my hands to the heavens and ask, "You see me right? YOU are the one in charge, right?" His presence overshadows and I gasp at the power in it. How did I ever doubt? I open my eyes back to this world, this flesh world...where doubts pile up like dirty laundry. 
Britton stands on the top of the stair landing...the morning sun comes through the large windows in the vaulted ceiling. He flaps his hands and laughs because the dark days have ended. The golden wash of light covers him and he reminds me of a mystic thanking his God for rescue. Tears wash my face. Britton has so many lessons to teach me. Today, I've learned to be thankful for this moment. To refuse to let the ghosts of what might be...push their way in and steal the joy and peace that are here right now. To be truly grateful...for now. 

So...for now...maybe we can look around and find that thing...that one small thing we can be truly grateful for? We can tilt our heads back, let the sun warm our faces and know who's in charge. For now...in this moment, we can join Britton...and smile like the moon.