This morning I woke to the sound of Britton's laughter. I waited, I couldn't imagine what he was laughing at. I laid still, mermerized by his ability to find joy.
Throughout the night his body convulsed, over and over till even his service dog ran for her kennel. Somewhere just after dawn I must've succumbed to the stress and fatigue, yielding myself up to the rescue, of a few hours of sleep.
Life with Britton often leaves me breathless. I am humbled by the many lessons he teaches.
"It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are."
I read this E.E. Cummings quote to Britton last week. I was blessed with a clear eyed response from him. He wanted to type something.
"How can real boys be anything else. I am real, who are you gonna be? Tell me who else would a real boy be?"
Indeed, who else would any of us be?
Though many of us struggle the majority of our lives to "find ourselves" perhaps...one of the rare gifts of autism is knowing yourself well.
Britton's boundaries are firm, he refuses things that he knows aren't for him... maybe it's only a mother's instinct but I'm pretty sure he feels the energy of those around him. He chooses carefully who can be in his life, and rejects others...firmly.
I wish I had his skills.
I'd love to be so sure, so solid about who I was created to be that sifting through choices in my life would be easy. When writing a story, the author is supposed to know the plot well in advance. Then each scene, each chapter is written to move the story closer to the projected ending. The goal.
I think of God as the ultimate author...how much more difficult it must be to write our stories when we choose plot twists that don't serve who He created us to be, or what He created us to do with our lives.
Britton seems so disorganized, so random, so up and down. One of the difficulties of my life has been giving up how organized and detailed I used to be. I was the on time, one step ahead, never forget...type A personality. But autism doesn't really adjust to what fits into your ability to manage it. You will adapt to survive.
I look back over the years of my life in the fitness industry and I understand how it now serves me. I am strong, very strong for my age. I know how to discipline myself, how to push and train someone else when they want to give up. God knew what was coming...and just like he prepared Moses by raising him in Pharoah's home...then moving him into the desert...Moses knew how to speak to Pharoah, but he also knew how to survive forty years in the desert.
Sure my little life may be small potatoes comparatively...but God still dispenses the same love, the same preparation...you matter to Him...I matter to Him.
I read a fascinating fact recently - that anyone receiving an organ transplant can expect to take on a great many of the likes and dislikes of the person who donated the organ. It's most profoundly noticed in those who receive a heart transplant.
I barely read the words when the Lord spoke an amazing truth to me. He said it is the reason why He creates in us a new heart. That the more we embrace the new heart, the more we will take on His likes, and dislikes. I was stunned by the revelation, by the similarities.
None of us should really be surprised...after all, consider the organ donor.
*I got an email for a new review on NO CHOICE. I cried after I read it. I have not promoted Book 2 like I did Book 1. Which is a shame, because it's better written...because you learn a lot the more you write. Maybe this is tooting my own horn...so toot toot, read this review!
*****it was amazing. This book was absolutely amazing. For anyone that doubts the power of our Lord and Savior,this book is perfect. It’s a tear jerker but still one of the most beautiful books I’ve ever read. This reached parts of me that I can’t believe an author I’ve never met has managed to find,and it speaks volumes to her potential and talent!! Please read this book! You won’t regret it!
Amazon has reduced the cost of the paper book, for however long...I just noticed it when I went to copy the link. They are the box of those things, and so I can't say how long they will have it "on SALE"
if you like paper books in your hands, now's a good moment to get this one! Link below
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