Hard to believe after 22 years I'm just figuring this out. Just a slow learner I suppose. I had a pretty rough afternoon with Britton this week. Oh not because he did anything unusual, it was just that a group of young girls wouldn't stop pointing and whispering, etc. We had gone to the movies and he was super excited. Jumping and flapping, and running back and forth. Sometimes when he's super happy, and there is hardly anyone around, I just let him BE WHO HE IS. Perhaps I shouldn't, but we all need moments of freedom. He has so few. Well these teenage girls were just excited to have someone else to gossip about. Someone else to be the target of their pointless teenage drama. BUT.. they followed us into the theater, and sat on the same row as us. (The theater had TWO people in it besides us!) I got up and asked Britton to move up a few rows not to bother them, and so they promptly got up and followed us. NOT okay with this momma bear. Britton is autistic, he is NOT STUPID. He realized what they were up to, and so he tried to sit lower in the chair. He eventually took off his sweat shirt and covered his head. That's right, HE COVERED HIS HEAD! This just gave these young ladies more fuel, and they laughed and pointed. I was done. Yep, here goes...
I slid down the aisle of chairs to them, and said,
"The truth is, YOU ALL should put your jackets over your heads! The Shame you should feel for what you have done today is so sad, and so disappointing! The hard part is, to believe that your parents haven't taught you better! To believe that somehow abusing someone who cannot defend himself makes you laugh, and makes you happy. Something is seriously wrong inside all your hearts! Tonight, Britton and I will pray for you. We both hope that Jesus has a long talk with each of you. He could've been your brother, your best friends brother! Then would you still make fun?"
Two of them jokingly put their sweatshirts over their heads and continued to giggle. I hope the popcorn gave them all horrible belly aches. :(
Yeah, I know... I'm sure it only made them laugh harder as we left the theater. Britton wouldn't take his sweat shirt off his head all the way home. ALL THE WAY HOME! He went to his room and cried for about an hour. I'm going to say for the millionth time, If only he was REALLY retarded we'd be so much better off!!!
I opened my bible for some comfort only to read the story of the ten lepers. "UNCLEAN" they had to yell, as they were always "outside the city." They weren't allowed in. They were required to wear a shawl over their heads and even wrap it around the lower half of their faces. Cloaks of shame were required. As I thought about their forced isolation, I thought about my life. It's exactly what I have done for so many years. When you try to be part of our lives, I pick up my cloak and push you away. "UNCLEAN" I scream, to keep you back, to keep you away, to keep you at a "safe distance." But the real truth is... I'm protecting myself from your judgment, from your painful words. If I keep you far enough away, you will never be able to really judge me. When strangers judge, it's no big deal. I chalk it up to ignorance and move on. But when someone I care about, or wish was my friend judges, that requires the cloak. I read in Leviticus 13:45 "The person with such an infectious disease must wear torn clothes, let his hair be unkempt, cover the lower part of his face and cry out, "Unclean, unclean!" I suppose I just scream, "Autism, stay back!" As the years have past, I have become far more comfortable with everyone else who is also "Unclean" or at least have children with Autism. Our tragic plight gives us far more in common than any of our other differences. Like lepers in a colony it's the only place we feel truly safe. I have had the privilege to be friends with many parents who deal with autism everyday, who never once felt unclean because of it. God bless you my friends, you have taught me much!
When we judge each others disabilities, (even levels of disabilities) or perhaps each others sins, aren't we just like lepers counting spots? I love that Jesus told them that they would be "made clean." I know it's sad, and it's just how I feel, but it's also how many of us feel. We feel unclean, unacceptable, unreachable, untouchable, unfixable. As I talked to friends about the situation in the theater, about what the "proper response" should've been. Each and everyone of them said to me, "There have been times in my life that I felt so unclean. Times I would've given anything to be able to put my sweatshirt over my head, and yell, so everyone would go away and stop judging!" Wow, so it's not just autism, it's life. It's whatever your sin, disability, fear, worry is. It's the thing that makes you want to put a sweat shirt over your head!
The good news is, none of us have to count our spots. There's this amazing children's book called, "You Are Special" by Max Lucado. It's one of Britton's favorites.
It's the story of these small wooden people who were made by Eli, the woodcarver. All of the Wemmicks give each other stars for being beautiful, or smart, or talented. When you're covered with stars you parade around so everyone can admire you. But, they also gave each other grey dots for being well, ugly, dumb, crippled, etc. Then you cower in shame, and hide. The story is of one small Wemmick, Punchinello, who is covered in grey spots. He eventually meets a girl who has neither spots nor dots. None of them stick to her. She sends Punchinello to the Wood Carver, (their creator) for answers. The woodcarver says, "Who are they to give stars or dots? They are Wemmicks just like you. What they think doesn't matter Punchinello. All that matters is what I think. And I think you are pretty special."
So back to the story of the ten lepers. Remember how there was one leper who was running to the priest, and realized he was healed? He immediately turned around and ran back. He dropped to Jesus feet and thanked him over and over again. Jesus says, "Were not 10 cleansed? Didn't any return to give glory to God except this foreigner?" Where were the other nine?
The thing that keeps going over and over in my mind is... I wonder....if this leper, the only thankful one, was HE the leper with the most spots?
After meeting Jesus, no dots, no stars should ever stick again... I don't think I'll put anymore sweatshirts over my head. :)
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