It's one of my happy places...in my yard, covered in dirt and sweat. It's a place where I till the  ground and plant the seeds. Water, fertilize and pray it grows. Maybe it's the solid of growing  things that I enjoy. The almost guarantee... if I do my part, the earth, the sun and the seeds  will do theirs.  I was out front digging up more dead foxtails, when I noticed how much poison oak there was.  It's vibrant and green and full of life. I huffed out a sigh and smirked at that weed growing  everywhere. Then, a flash of color caught my eyes...and I saw it...a bright pink vinca flower,  growing in the crack of the driveway.  I crawled to a stand and stared. That beautiful flower had somehow survived freezemaggedon! It found the strength to dig its roots in deep and then stand up straight and tall. A beautiful  flower, reaching for the sun....blooming in a crack. I pulled off my garden gloves, wiped at the tears that suddenly began dripping off my chin.                                                Then I laughed at the lesson. "Yes, I get it Lord."  Life can bloom in the hard places.  We all have to make that choice. We never know what life plans to "teach" us. This has been  a year of lessons. I've spent a lot of time in God's word, (confession) not because I'm so holy  and it's my choice. It's because it's what Britton wants to do everyday. He wants to read the  bible, and bible related stories...books about KIng David. Books about the disciples. On and on  we read, and some books he wants to read over and over. He loves "Wild at Heart,"  "The Good Book," "Spirit Wars." We're on our second read through "Battlefield of the Mind." Seventeen  books since this past January... 47 books in 2020. You would think that being marinated in  God's truth would change a person. That it would be impossible to spend that much time in  the word and not find yourself meditating on it. I sure hope some of it sinks in, and I become this  "mega believer" who can quote scriptures as fast as an auctioneer. Face giants like David or cross  Red Seas like Moses.  But...That's not been my daily reality. Most the time I'm on my knees, in tears asking for the  strength I need. "Please, tell me what to do! Am I making the right choices? I need to hear your voice.  Show me the next step."  You may be imagining this lazy life of sitting and reading...how I wish it was like that. Mostly it's me holding a book that is propped up on a pillow. I lean so he can see well. He puts his fingers under each word. If I read a word wrong, he goes back. If I attempt to explain things, he eye rolls. LOL He too, requires patience to be read to by his mom. He will allow anyone else to just read, but me... I'm his study partner.  I have this sneaky feeling he knows that I need more than just to read it. I need to absorb it, and hold it close to my heart. Maybe his finger under each word is for me? Hmmmm My life is often more than I bargained for, less than I dreamed of, and much more than I  can handle. I don't know very many people who would choose to put down roots in the  cracks and crevices...yet that's where some of us are planted.  But...there is no question that God's blessings flow and saturate the hard places. Struggling to grow is not easy for most of us...rarely comfortable. Attempting to fit my fears, my ego, or my pride into that teeny weeny space is not impossible. There is only room in the cracks for the necessary.  But if I will let those things go, dig my roots in deep...before long... I'm reaching for the Son! Blooming in the HARD PLACE.  ​ And your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, “This is the way, walk in it,” when you turn to the right or   when you turn to the left. Isaiah 30:21 ***** My favorite  I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my eye upon you. Psalms 32:8 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge  him, and he will make straight your paths. Proverbs 3:5 But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, he will teach you all things and bring to   your remembrance all that I have said to you. John 14:26 IF YOU'RE STILL HERE...I'M GOING TO WHISPER A SECRET... THERE WILL BE A FREE BOOK GIVEAWAY BEFORE THE END OF THE MONTH!  OPEN YOUR MAIL, TELL YOUR FRIENDS. IT WILL BE FREE FREE FREE!

For Now--Let's Smile Like the Moon

 

We've had seven good days in a row. Which we feel we seriously earned...we had so many bad ones I lost count. I was about to wallow in my misery when we finally turned a corner, and the God of all mercies lifted the darkness. 
Britton swam up slowly from all that weighed him down beneath the waves of behaviors and smiled bigger than the moon. He laughed and then he giggled...he ran and jumped in his bed. He was free of whatever held him...at least for now. 

It's an insurmountable difficulty... how do we remove the invisible chains that hold him, and release him from the darkness of pain and despair? Lots of biomedical interventions for sure...and more prayers than I expect most folks pray in a month! (Okay, I have no clue how much you pray, but I confess to only praying this much when I'm desperate for help.)
One thing for sure...This battle is real, and life certainly has seasons where we need to focus and pray for our lives! 
We've had a lot of marathon reading sessions lately. Eight hours and he still wants to read. I mean, I love to read but I've got to get myself a more comfortable chair! I keep blaming Britton for how wide my backside has become, it's from all the sitting. Only the good Lord knows how hard it is for me to be still. First He asks me to write books...sitting for hours. Now Mr. Britton has me perched beside him, so he can run his fingers under each word as I read it. (I might be complaining?)
When life swings up and stays there for longer than a few hours...I begin to struggle with believing it will last. Messing up the good days with worries that the bad days will be back. It's kind of like being haunted by the ghosts of the bad days. So many disappontments can make it hard to hope the good days won't slip through my fingers. 
I'm always planning my life as if I was in charge, laying it out like a lego structure that fits so nicely. I do know how it should fit. But usually something happens that I don't see coming, and maybe I planned for it to become one kind of structure, and suddenly it will have to be made into something else. Something I didn't plan for... So I look for new pieces, search for a different color...no pattern, no map...I wonder..."has anyone gone this way before me?" 
Maybe that's just me, or maybe it's happened in your life as well? In the frustation, I lift my hands to the heavens and ask, "You see me right? YOU are the one in charge, right?" His presence overshadows and I gasp at the power in it. How did I ever doubt? I open my eyes back to this world, this flesh world...where doubts pile up like dirty laundry. 
Britton stands on the top of the stair landing...the morning sun comes through the large windows in the vaulted ceiling. He flaps his hands and laughs because the dark days have ended. The golden wash of light covers him and he reminds me of a mystic thanking his God for rescue. Tears wash my face. Britton has so many lessons to teach me. Today, I've learned to be thankful for this moment. To refuse to let the ghosts of what might be...push their way in and steal the joy and peace that are here right now. To be truly grateful...for now. 

So...for now...maybe we can look around and find that thing...that one small thing we can be truly grateful for? We can tilt our heads back, let the sun warm our faces and know who's in charge. For now...in this moment, we can join Britton...and smile like the moon.

I WISH...

You've felt it too, right? Feeling like life is squeezing the breath right out of you? 

Have you been sitting...in the dark, freezing, with no water?  You must live in Texas. LOL 

Welcome to the 2021 none of us saw coming. 

I'm pretty sure It's the million dollar question isn't it? 

WHAT IS GOING ON IN THIS CRAZY WORLD? 

To most of us our world has been buried under a thousand unanswered questions and then tangled up in a million opinions. Ever get a tangle in your hair that was so knotted that you finally just cut it out? Our country sort of feels like that... like there's just no untangling this mess. Maybe cutting our way out of it is the only answer? I'll leave that question for you to work on...we've all heard enough opinions to last... maybe forever.

Sitting in the house in so many layers of clothes, a coat, a hat, wool socks and boots... I wished for a different life? Wished to get in my car and drive away, not stopping... hopefully never.

That thought has been going through my mind far too often lately. Probably beginning somewhere around May when I realized that no one was really wanting to flatten any curves. 

A lot of my struggles are the same as everyone elses. Mask, no masks, vaccine mandates, and people you love getting the vaccine because it's just easier and "surprise" your thirty plus years of vaccine research do not give you any credibility. You quite obviously know very little. They'd rather just drink Dr. Fauci's and Bill Gate's koolaid, and forget the fact that they stand to make billions of dollars if you will just comply...and if you won't, there will be laws to make you. All because there are millions of dollars to share with various Congressmen. "Follow the money?" But again, what do I know?

So there's that...and then there's daily life. The life with autism, with seizures, with the mountains of anxiety. I talk myself off a cliff so often that there are permanent foot prints imbeded on the edge.

Today I just wished...I wished for all the things I want to do with my life. Don't get me wrong, I'd do anything for my son, and I've proven it over and over again. But his refusal to even try (okay maybe once every six months) has made my "sacrifice" more difficult. I wish to finish book three! I wish to go to writing conferences even if they are online. I wish to workout ...heck, I wish to just be able to take a walk around the block. I wish... 

Most of us do. We wish for many things we can't do much about. I decided to ask you...

What do you wish for? 

Do you wish to be more than you are now because... you know that you were meant to be. Do You wish to be understood... do you wish to be loved? Do you wish the God of the Universe knew your name?

It seems universal, these wishes. I started asking other people, what do you wish for? If you could change what is, if there was nothing to stop you, what would you pursue? I researched what most people wish for and the list was surprising. Here goes... in order of priority.

1, Happiness

2. Freedom

3. Peace

4. More Sex

5. FAME? REALLY? 

6. To Change Themselves*

7. Love

8. Fundamentals (food, clothing, shelter)

9. Money

10. Good Health

Really studying the list I was amazed to know that 8 out of 10 of those we can get from our relationship with God. Sure, that's just my opinion, but it's also absolutely the opinion of every single story in the bible. I could list scripture to prove it, but I might lose you by # 4. LOL (Song of Solomon, I'm telling you it's there!) 

Britton and I have been reading "The Battlefield of the mind!" Because heaven knows that is the battle we are all in. Struggling to stay home, struggling to wear masks, struggling with sickness... and the big stuff...struggling with wanting a different world to live in. 

I read today, that less that 35% of Americans will check the box when asked if they are happy. So living in the richest country in the world, with the most stuff, 65% of us need something different. Stuff, does not make us happy...peace, freedom, friendships...loyalty, love... that's a where our happiness can be found.

I wish for a great many things...and somedays my wishes seem so small. All my wishes are wrapped around what I believe will make me happy. I keep wondering if we've got it all wrong...what if being happy first would bring us peace, freedom, loyalty and friendships. What if happiness is a choice?

I decided to pay attention to where I'm letting my mind wander. To actually think about, what I'm thinking about. Since we are encouraged... no maybe instructed is a better word, to think of specific things, perhaps that's where I happiness is controlled?

"Summing it all up friends, I'd say you'll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious--the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. " Philippians 4:8

I've decided to test this challenge... keeping my mind under careful filter...then I am going to choose to be happy.  Filtering out all the things that increase my anxiety ought to go a long way towards changing my outlook.

I want you to know that I pray for each and every one of you. I ask God what you need, and to give me the words that will bless you. Words that will help heal your wounds, and most of all words that help you feel His love. I wish for each of YOU to feel happiness in all situations.

Jesus said, "I've told you these things for a purpose: that my joy might be your joy, and your joy completely full. Love one another the way I loved you. This is the very. best way to love." John 15: 11-15

I translate that to say... I wish you happiness, the same way I have happiness. When I ask God what you need, He says you need to be happy. Love each other the way I love you, that is how you find true happiness. (translation... my own, and it made me happy when I did it.) wink 

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So here I am shamelessly adding a book ad to the end of the blog. Hey at least I put it at the end so you can look at it or not. LOL I'm tirelessly working on book 3! It will be the final book in this series, who knows where I go from there? Please pray for me. I want to tell the stories that Jesus wants me to tell. 

Click here to read a free Chapter of THE CHOOSING

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Click here to read a free chapter of No Choice

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THE BLAME GAME - FORGETTING WHO GOD IS

Thirty years later and the guilt eats at me. Whenever my son's suffering 

increases I begin battling the same questions...The ones I've asked myself year after endless year. 

"Why didn't I pray more? 

Why didn't I hear God when I prayed about the vaccines? 

Why Britton? 

Where is God? 

Why didn't God stop me? 

Why doesn't He heal him? 

Are we being punished? 

Does God even love us anymore?

I decided to be transparent about the progression of blame. Because we all do it. We blame ourselves and when that overwhelms, we blame the greed of whoever is next in line (Big Pharm is always a valid choice at my house.) If that doesn't help, we go straight to the top and blame the King of the World. At least that's my progression. You might have a heart white as snow, but me...not so much.

I want to make the choices that are best for my son. But... I fail, again and again. I remind myself that it's most important that I make the choices that are best for my soul. Cause when I get to the end of this life, I pray to have made the choices that God would have me make. That's my goal...my out there, pie in the sky...goal. 

"Please God help me make the right choices!" Every day, I ask...

I expect we all pray a similar prayer on a regular basis. Whether it's about autism, seizures, or whatever is happening in your life. Maybe it's about raising a rebellious teenager, or keeping your marriage together, or stressing because there's no way to retire? Taking care of an elderly parent? Maybe it's all of it?

A few Sundays ago, Britton asked me to type during church, and here is what he encouraged me with.

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If you a struggling because your life is not what you had always hoped it would be. If you look around and your friends and your neighbors seem so put together and you wonder where you went wrong? Just remember that our God looks on the heart. What he is working on and leading us through is not how to make us more comfortable. It is to create a clean heart, that longs for Him. That's no small task... Psalms 139:23 Search me O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there is any wicked or hurtful way in me, and lead me in the way I should go.  Psalm 73:26 My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the Rock and firm Strength of my heart and my portion forever. Sometimes I feel paralyzed by the life I've been asked to live. I complain to the God who was beaten and tortured on a cross...for me. I complain "that it's too much to ask of anyone." My face burns with embarrassment and I usually sit in silence, waiting for the lightning to strike. But thank goodness it never comes, because His mercy is so unfathomable...He knows exactly who I am, what I'm capable of, and every single weakness.  The thing I find the most interesting about that is...He knows me, but do I know Him? Because no battle, no storm, no situation can take me under if I will remember who my God is. "Waymaker, miracle worker, promise keeper, Light in the darkness, My God. That is who You are!"  I make my flesh say it with my mouth, so my HEART can remember not only...WHO GOD IS...but that I am His. When life gets too dark to see. It's the solid when nothing else is. I hold a tight grip on my belief in God's goodness and His love for me. It makes a difference in whether I hold my ground in the storm...or it blows me back, far far back.  I wanted to remind you too. That some seasons of life have far more storms, far more battles, and far more confusion than others. Reminding yourself WHO GOD SAYS HE IS...is like lifting a ten-foot sword of light into the darkest situation. That believing God is who He says He is, and that He will do what He says He will do, is the ultimate anchor in any storm. I'm going to leave you with some of the phrases of Who Our God is...reciting them, can clear the darkest sky. It's how I shut down the blame game and remember that I am who HE says I am! I am His...and so are you! God is: ​Revelation 22:13 I am the Alpha and the Omega, the first and the last, the beginning and the end.” ​1 John 4:16​ So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him. ​Luke 18:27 But he said, “What is impossible with men is possible with God.” ​Colossians 1:16 For by him all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities—all things were created through him and for him. ​Deuteronomy 7:9 Know therefore that the Lord your God is God, the faithful God who keeps covenant and steadfast love with those who love him and keep his commandments, to a thousand generations, ​John 3:16 “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. ​Zephaniah 3:17 The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing. To shop for my book!  Click HERE ​

What Story Are You Telling?

"I experienced the most amazing gift this past Christmas week. Britton sat at his desk and worked on answering questions. (He has given up most of his academic work totally during Covid-19) But on this day of miracles... In the middle of the most mundane Monday morning...he sat down at his desk and pulled out his very first worksheets. He began with the basic questions. "If you go camping, where would you sleep? tent. If a child has a replica of a baby, what's it called?" doll. Silly questions to most of us, but they seem to help him keep his world straight. But then...right in the middle of all the mundane...He spontaneously typed two deep thoughts without being prompted.  He just wanted, or maybe he just needed to tell someone how he was feeling. We've all been there. That desire so strong to express our feelings, we might even spill it to a stranger we've just met. For him, the gift of clear thinking, and the ability to control his own body caused him to rejoice in this Season of Love and Compassion. Television screens, movie screens, and worst of all... his IPad screen. He has developed photosensitive epilepsy. So any amount of light flashing in his eyes can trigger a seizure. He is well aware and avoids them like the plague. He is now typing only on my cell phone. I don't know if the size of the screen matters, but on this day he was willing to risk it. In the list of words he was reciting he began typing his feelings.  "Say people pray for me and I feel prayers pulling and pulling on my mind. Playing God's promises."  How grateful I am that his mind plays God's promises. I recite them often. I write them on index cards and tape them on his walls. "That's how we win these dark battles, Britton." (I can be so preachy.) Nodding my head, eyes wide in grateful wonder. "God's word is the weapon that brings us the hope and peace we need." I moved right on, he really hates it when I get sappy. I have to be careful...my own emotions can affect him, and not always in a good way. He's like an emotional savant. He senses the feelings, emotions, and fears of everyone around him. His life has taught him that it is survival to know how others feel. I swallowed, took a breath, and moved on. But inside I was singing and praising. Thanking God for the brief glimpses into who he is. The unbelievable gift of his thoughts. I spend a lot of December wondering how Britton will manage Christmas. There's so much about the whole Holiday season that doesn't vibe well when you're an emotional seismograph. Other people's frustrations, fears, anger...can cause an earthquake that hits a ten on the Richter scale. As much as family tries to love him, and us...I do attempt to create a situation that he can feel peace in. It's pretty futile, but that doesn't stop me.  All families walk various tightropes during the holidays. Some struggle with critical in-laws, some with missing a lost loved one, and some with... trying to please people who can't be pleased. I knew exactly what Britton was trying to explain to me. For him, the OCD that drives him to futility had eased."Zero. I have Zero Needs to be crazy...mom be brave." I'm pretty sure It is how he expressed to me that he didn't feel all the brutal compulsions of Pandas. (Pediatric Autoimmune Neuropsychiatric Disorder) The unquenchable need to flap, hum, touch, or spin.  ​ His admonitions that I be brave, trouble me sometimes. He must know fear comes for the whole family when he seizes. When his mind becomes jumbled with inflammation and misfires... when he's angry. Fear is a brash, bully. It tries to overpower and be the loudest voice in our minds. It will elbow peace right out of our hearts and leave us consumed with its darkness. I'm sure you know this...but Jesus tells us to "fear not" about 365 times. So it's a fair assumption that we all must need reminding. Jesus showed us how to live a life without fear...a life of courage. In today's language, Jesus might very well say it like this, "Be Brave! Fear is a liar!" Britton is my blaring example of courage day in and day out. I watch him face his difficult life...usually with a smile on his face. About every 4-7 days I notice his countenance change into a serious young man. He knows a seizure is coming...I don't know for sure how he knows. Perhaps it's the common warnings...visual disturbances...or a strange taste in his mouth? I don't really have all the answers. But he will struggle through till the connections in his brain misfire. He will cry out, awake or asleep...his eyes roll back, his face turns blue...and he will spend way too much time struggling to breathe.  When it all finally ends...his bloodshot eyes will blink open and he will look for me. Reach for my hand and give it a squeeze...reassuring ME that all will be well. Somewhere between eight and twelve hours of sleep will pass as his body attempts to recover...then, he will drag himself out of the bed and try, try again. I am humbled by how much suffering and despair he lives through. Still, he tries to make the best of it all...refusing to even consider giving up. When he does decide to type...he always points me back to the God of all hope and reminds me His promises are guaranteed...never a gamble. Fear never sang a song...never delivered us from evil. Fear never paid our past due bills or saved our crumbling marriages. No, Faith does that...courage does that.  So for 2021...my plan is to say to myself... "you have zero need to fear..." and to remember that: "If Fear is born..out of a story we tell ourselves. Maybe, it's time we tell ourselves a different story."  *quote paraphrased into my own words. Click HERE to go to Amazon

 

"Courage is Fear, that has said its prayers."  Life is a dangerous endeavor. Saddle that same life with autism, vaccine injury, and seizures...the danger amplifies. Saddle it with tragedies, deaths, sickness... I find that no matter who you meet if you talk to them long enough...they have walked through fire once or even twice. Most of us pass our days in the shadows of victories and defeats. Life is full of stark realities. This past year we've sat in stunned silence as those with the power to annihilate humanity...happily contemplate the possibility with itchy fingers. Discussions of global attacks, chemical warfare, and viruses that have the capability of cleaning the planet of "undesirables..." These are real conversations spurred from the days' news, not the movie we all saw on Netflix.  We struggle to figure out who is at fault, who is in charge, and, where it all went wrong? The cumulative question... "How did we get here?"  Is it okay if I confess to lying awake at night worrying that the wrong person is about to push the red button...and asking myself, "How can things get any worse?" Britton had seizures through most of the night last night. Sadly it's become something HE, and our whole family endures several times a week. It knocks the air right out of my faith, and I hover over him in helicopter momma style, praying and crying and begging God to do something!  This morning when Britton was finally awake, he wanted to read. He has probably a hundred books by various Christian authors and we read lots of them again and again. But the last few months we've been reading straight from the source. The words of God himself.  I flipped to the New Testament...which is not where I marked our place. Can't say why I did it. I began reading in Matthew, Chapter 24, 4-14. It's a sobering, expose' of what Jesus told his disciples was going to happen in the world. I encourage you to take five minutes and read it for yourself. Bottomline, or maybe my summary is that Jesus said, "Things are going to get bad...REAL BAD, before they get better. But then he added, "See to it that you are not alarmed."  I admit it, I smirked when I read it. In today's lingo, He basically said, "Don't freak out and don't be surprised!" The funny thing about it is...those may be the exact words, I say to myself...every single time Britton seizes. "Don't freak out! Why are you so surprised?"  My heart stung a little when I thought of Jesus warning his disciples. He knew what He Himself would suffer, but He also knew what they would suffer for their faith. Jesus warned us..."Because of the increase of wickedness, the love of MOST will grow cold."  He didn't say "some of you will grow cold...or a few of you, he said, "MOST!" It's sobering..."MOST!" I can't help it, I'm gonna say it to you one more time. "The love of MOST will grow cold!" WOW!  Britton jumped up and went to the bathroom, came back, opened the drawer with the thermometer, and asked me to take his temperature. It's not something he's done very often, so I asked him several times and he took the little gun-shaped thermometer and put it on his head.  I took his temperature, and he giggled and squealed and jumped back in his bed. It really did take me all that time to put it together.  I picked up the bible and reread the words..."the love of MOST will grow cold." I swallowed a huge lump that grew large in my throat and looked at Britton. "I get it, son, I finally get it." I smiled a half-smile and promised myself that I would not be one of the "MOST."  I asked myself SOME raw questions. I refused to allow any excuses... "Is your love for the Lord as hot in 2020 as it was in 2019?"  After all that 2020 has thrown at you, what's the temperature of your heart? I cried and asked God to forgive me if I'd let my love grow cold. I know He gets it. I know He knows I'm human and that each and every seizure is like an ice bath to my soul. But I also know He is a consuming fire. In His presence...there is no lukewarm heart.  One of my favorite Scriptures is Psalm 37:7  "Be still in the presence of the Lord, and wait patiently for Him to act. Don't worry about evil people who prosper or fret about their wicked schemes."  The reason we aren't supposed to be terrified by wicked schemes...is not because they aren't scary. It is because every trial and every trouble has a place in God's plan. My uneducated interpretation of Psalm 37:7 says... Be still and wait...wait patiently. Stop wringing your hands, and losing sleep. THE LORD WILL ACT! Maybe not as soon as you wish for, or the way you want Him to...but HE WILL ACT! Don't worry about evil people, their wicked shenanigans are their own business." LOL! that's my uneducated translation! It sure gives me peace.  Above all the chaos...reigns a divine plan. When the world appears out of control, it isn't. When evil appears to be in charge...it isn't. When you feel hopeless, you aren't. Take a lesson from Britton...Take your temperature! This is one time you might wish for a fever...or perhaps the right word would be fervor.  No matter what your temperature today..."see to it, that you are not alarmed!" Matt 24:6.  "Everything will work out in the end...if it's not working out, it's not the end." ​ P.S. **I need to solicit your help with Book 2, No Choice. I launched the book on Black Friday. But I knew...I really did. Facebook has ban the majority of everything I post. I post too much Vaccine information. That's where all the banning began. I noticed that even Ads I paid for on book one, The Choosing, began to be blocked. The COVID VACCINE has become a huge political point, Facebook won't allow anything negative to be written about vaccines, truth, or not. So unless I post about family...you can't see my posts-unless you place me in your top 10 friends. You can see them if you go directly to my page...or The Shadowlands. OH...I forgot, I renamed the Book's page, FROM, The Choosing, to The Shadowlands. Because, well...it's about THREE BOOKS NOW!  Even though FACEBOOK blocked 90% of the ads...the book still climbed to #20 on the New Releases, Bestsellers List. The Book still sold over 1000 books since its release! THAT WAS GOD!  If you're on FACEBOOK, I'm asking you a favor. PLEASE SHARE MY ADS for my books.  If 80% of books are truly sold by word of mouth...then an army of readers could override their censorship. If you feel good about it, I'd appreciate your support. Here is one of my latest Ads. You can find  all my ads on my personal page and also on Facebook @TheShadowlands. You can share from either or both places. Here's the link to the book if you would like it.  Button BE BLESSED...AND DON'T FORGET...TAKE YOUR TEMPERATURE! ​ ​

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There are so many great stories we all learned in Sunday School. Over zealous volunteers telling us bible stories with flannel graph figures… I personally met God for the first time in Vacation Bible School at the age of nine. I was being tormented at night…I couldn’t sleep. Fear was my constant enemy and I hated the darkness. Though all my sisters slept in the same room with me, four bunkbeds in the middle of one tiny room…when I talked about what was happening, it was more like telling ghost stories than real to them. To me…I really thought my life was in danger. I never slept, I was always afraid and I cried a lot. I’d pull my pink quilt over my head and shake and imagine evil all night long.  At that same time my momma was bedridden, sick with a pregnancy that almost killed her. Only rich people had insurance back then…I knew she was really sick, she never got out of bed, never got dressed, never fed us. I was always afraid she would die. I used to lay in the bed beside her after daddy left for work, telling her how I stood on a chair and cooked rice for the “kids.” She struggled to stay awake for more than a few minutes… I would wait til her eyes closed, and then whisper how afraid I was. She knew nothing of God, but one afternoon she opened one sad brown eye and whispered, “you need a bible.”  A couple of days later I walked a few blocks to a large Presbyterian church that we passed on the main street nearly everyday. I can still see the church secretaries face, when I pulled open the big glass doors and asked where I could get a bible. The shock…She had hairspray plastered hair all teased up, a good ten inches high. She was very professional and handed me a flier about their Vacation Bible School program. She sternly informed me I could certainly earn one.  Disappointed, I took the flier and hoped there was some way. I crawled into bed beside my momma and begged her to let me go. I remember pushing her blonde hair off of her sweaty face and wondering if one day she wouldn’t wake up anymore. My nightmares and the torment drove me. I needed relief…momma said I needed a bible. I walked to that church everyday for six weeks. No one else wanted to go, so I just went by myself. My daddy was at work and my momma wasn’t awake much. No one knew where any of us kids were.  Through most my life, my daddy told stories of his childhood spent with his aunt and uncle. They were pastors and the little bit he knew of God, he learned from them.  He told us how his aunt always prayed for hours, and he loved laying under a tree around sunrise and listening to her rhythmic sing song prayers…It stayed with him all his life. He taught us how to be “good” based on what his aunt taught him. After six weeks of faithful attendance at VBS, memorizing the 23rd Psalm, and the Beattitudes…I was rewarded with a bible. It was black leather and the pages were trimmed in red, and it even had my name on it in gold.  No one told me I was a sinner there, no one asked about my parents…They taught me some of God’s word. It was the end of summer by then and I had to wait till I got home from school…but I would crawl into bed beside momma, and recite the 23rd Psalm. I like to think it always pulled her back from the edge…and she would open her eyes, smile and pat my leg.  People raised in church so often take their amazing heritage for granted. Not knowing that the people who cross their paths need God like they need air.  One of the most amazing things about my life now… Though it is a life of intense isolation…there is Britton's love to read. He loves Max Lucado books and he loves John Eldredge as well… but this year we started reading in Genesis out of a David Jeremiah Study Bible. It has been fun and fascinating. The things I’ve learned and relearned have blessed, and inspired me.  We were reading the story of Samuel going to anoint Jesse’s youngest son, King. David and Goliath is a story Britton likes to read over and over again. That’s what got me thinking about when I was such a little girl and how afraid I was that one year. How I walked by myself to that big old scary church. No one knew me there, and no one knew that I needed to slay a really big giant…but God knew.  When I think back on that little girl. I am so very proud of her. She was determined and brave, even though she was very small for her age. If they asked her to memorize the whole bible I happen to know she would’ve given it a try.  Armed with the 23rd Psalm, she had become a giant slayer.  After that summer in “training” I’d crawl into the bottom bunk at night…recite all I had memorized, and lay that hard earned bible open across my chest. The fears never came for me after that.  The word of God gave me the peace I sought… How could I have known that it laid the foundation for how I would live my life in the future? It is the same battle strategy, because it is the same enemy. If there is a giant of fear, blame, condemnation or shame? No matter the giant that calls out your name, and screams for you to be afraid…The same sword that slew Goliath, slays all the giants of fear. ​ ​“The weapons of our warfare are not of this world, but they are mighty…and will pull down strongholds!”  ​ BOOK Update!!! ​ EIGHT DAYS TILL BOOK 2 0 No Choosing Releases! YEP 8 DAYS!!!!  Fifty people have read it, and the reviews will be added to Amazon over the weekend. In case the back cover is too small to read...here it is. ​ Fear crawled up his spine and curled around his neck. If you couldn’t hear and you couldn’t see, were you even alive? Britton Donovan seemed like a regular guy. He ran an autism center; he had a wife and two kids. He made a decent living. Most folks didn’t know he had secret. Sure, he spent most of his life as a “Defective.”  If only that was his biggest secret. Fifteen years since that day…He woke up in the back of an ambulance. He felt like he’d been struck by lightning, or maybe the hand of God Himself. But he was no longer “defective.” He was whole.  That miserable life was something he needed to forget, so he snuffed it out like it was a forgotten fire. He left it all, the good and the bad. Why dwell on those dark years?  Then on a flight across the Atlantic, huge rifts tore through the veil, allowing the spiritual to bombard the world. Light Warriors rushed through to protect, large spears and shining swords at the ready. Demon trolls crawled through the aircraft as it barreled through the sky. Injecting fear and blindness into the passengers. Britton watched, helpless. The spirits infected each passenger with a virus causing them to loose their sight, their hearing. He alone was left...untouched. It wasn't a virus that attacked the immune system. It was a virus that attacked the soul. The world would need reminding...no vaccine ever made anyone immune to sin. ​